5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
