I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
