so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
