Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
