Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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