I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
