so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
