I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
