gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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