Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
