Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
