i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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