sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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