U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
