sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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