I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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