and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
