I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
