There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
