Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
