I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
