**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
