Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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