If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
