I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
