Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
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