Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
