Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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