The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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