we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
