oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
