Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
