Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
