tell your sister to shave her snatch
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
