all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
