is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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