By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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