Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
