I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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