I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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