I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
