Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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