You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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