so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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