he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
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