My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
