so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
