I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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