I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
