I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
