Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
