a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
