I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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