loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
