So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
