i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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