peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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