I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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