I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
