Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
