I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
