my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
