i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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